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....All I need is a Superhero....

Here I am sitting on my slightly dirty white couch...ok more of a off-white yellow couch now (hey it was free) listening to Shoshana Bean's new single, Superhero, and let me tell you just how much I love it. I LOVE IT! :) I mean, Sho is incredible to begin with, but I relate to this song, and when I do that, I just love a song so much more. And, not only that, but I have fallen in love with Spotlight and If this isn't love by Jennifer Hudson and Crush by David Archuleta. So those are the four songs that are on repeat on my itunes as I am typing this, which is what I do with songs. :)

So this week is definitely better than last, which is a relief because if I had to deal with two terrible weeks in a row, I might have a meltdown. Last week it just seemed like everything bad had to happen all at once, and I was super stressing out. This week I'm like well things will happen as they happen, and I am the only one that can do anything about it, so it is up to me to make my life what I want it to. You would think that would freak me out and stress me out more, but it was kind of relaxing, if that makes sense. I know that I have people in my life that will help me to the best of their abilities but I have to swallow my pride first, which is probably one of the hardest things to do. I told my mom when she suggested talking to my dad and asking for help from him that I felt like I just kept running back to mommy and daddy to bail me out and I didn't want to do that...and then started crying. She told me that everyone does it and that is what parents are for, to help you out when you are stuck in a rut and that hell she was still doing it that is why she had to take up residence at my grandpas because she is having a tough time. And I think that she is going to continue having a tough time because of the economy and nobody is hiring and it really sucks and I just wish I could make it better, but of course I can't. That is probably one of the main reasons that I am in college, so that I can be successful and be able to live without having to worry about money constantely like my mom did when she was raising us (mostly me on her own though) because I don't want to have to choose between feeding my kids, making a car payment, and having my children in activities. That is probably the one thing that I want above everything else. I don't want to give my kids everything though, because they have to learn just like I did that money doesn't grow on trees, and you have to earn things, not just be given things. Those kids and adults that are handed everything on a silver platter take soo much for granted (not saying that I don't because I do) but they just don't understand many things. Ok, back to what I was talking about in the first place, last week sucked. I am having money problems, but as I said I know that I will get by, it will just be a struggle. Last Sunday was also the three year anniversary of my aunt and cousins passing away in a fire, and lord so I miss them. I can't believe it has only been three years, it seems like they have been gone for thirty years. I know they are always with me, but that too sucks! Caitlyn would be 9 now and Carter would have been 5, and that is something that I just can't imagine because they will always be 6 and 2. Aggh, its just so unfair they didn't deserve to die....fucking kill people that are fucking murders and shit, but no good people and innocent children are the ones being taken. Fuck that. That is why I know that there is no "supreme being" guiding people on this earth. Then shit like that who not happen. I do believe there is one, but there is no guidence, she/he is just there so people have something to believe in. That is what I think, and I am determined to not lose my own beliefs to fit something else. I need to be myself, which I have a hard time doing and I don't know why. I am a cameleon, so my family tells me because I form to the personality of people around me, which blows. I was like what? why the hell can't I just be me? Therapy....looks like a great option :) Anyway this week pwned last week was my point in that ramble. haha.

So my friend and I were having a conversation about Sara Ramirez and how hot she is for like a half an hour...which I thought was pretty funny, and true...she is hot as you have probably gathered from my previous entries. Anyway we came to the conclusion that if I were left in a room alone with her, I would attack her. And by attack, I don't mean like attack...kill her or hurt her or anything. I would attack her and go all Erica Hahn on her, and those who watch Grey's Anatomy, this will not be lost on you :). I mean I figure if it can work for her character, why can't it work for her? And so what if I'm like 15 years younger than she is, if TR is doing it so can she. LOL, go ahead, laugh, but hey, a girl can dream. ;)

Ok, enough with my rambling....I should do my Latino Studies homework before my million meetings...ok really just two, but whatever. And this is for Steph....Seriously? Seriously. (Just because I haven't said it in my blog for a while :)).